The Secret

Whooo hooo! It's Monday! Usually Mondays aren't my thing, but it's one day closer till Andrew comes home, so this Monday is a little different. You understand :)

He should be here late Thursday afternoon if all goes as scheduled. It really can't get here fast enough, I can't wait to see him again, and hug & kiss him. Oh boy! You have no idea. hehe

This weekend was filled with a lot of nothing, I purposely did very little around the house, cause I knew that would force me into a busy week and then the time would pass a little faster. Taylor is home sick today though, both the girls have horrible coughs that never seem to stop. It's driving me crazy actually. Part of me wants to just tell them to STOP COUGHING already!!! The sound of it's getting on my nerves. Now I sound like a bad mom, but I'm not...I promise. I've been faithfully at their side pampering them, and hoping they get better soon. The constant hacking just grates on my nerves. Even as I type this it's hard to really gain any concentration because all I hear around me is coughing...

In other news I have a DVD in the mail that I can't wait to get. It's called "The Secret" and sounds really interesting. Just a few weeks ago I was thinking about my neighbor and how lucky she seems to be. When we go to bingo, I'll be damned if she doesn't win every time. She'll sit at our table and tell us she can "just feel it" that somebody's going to win at our table, and we all kind of growl back at her. But you know what's funny? Somebody does win at our table, but it's always her! So it got me thinking about how her positive attitude may be working for her. I've always thought that thoughts are powerful...on a deep deep level, but this is one of the few times I've seen it so apparent. I credit a lot of the things that come along in our life, to what we've asked for...what we believe deep down, most of the time sub-consciously - those thoughts always seem to form our reality.

So here I was a few weeks ago, wondering what it's all about, and how to get a better grasp into making my thoughts work for me, and then out of no where I heard about "The Secret" and how it's all about the "Law of Attraction", so it sounds very interesting to me. It's another example of the way stuff comes along..sometimes you can really think about something, and ask questions, and then before you know it the answer comes to you in all sorts of different avenues. Anyway, I feel that I have a clue..or a slight idea of how things are run, but it will be nice to see it explained from people that have studied it and made it work to their advantage in their own life.

Basically because I always run into a little problem; I can tell myself I want something until I'm blue in the face, but I don't think it's until you truly believe your going to get what you want, down to your core, that it's going to come to fruition. So my question is, how do you make yourself believe something and get rid of those deep down thoughts inside your head telling you that it's not possible? We've all heard of self-defeating thoughts, and that's what I'm talking about. I am very self defeating for one reason or another, and it always seems that as much as I want something there's always this little voice in the back of my head telling me I'll never get there.

But anyways...you can go HERE to watch the trailer for the DVD - take a minute and check it out and let me know what you think! Personally, I can't wait to watch it, it may not have all the answers, but more than anything I will enjoy the philosophical nature of it...cause I'm always a sucker for philosophy!

I <3 Red Machine

I came across Naked Fruit Juice at Sam's Club one day. They sell 2 large bottles of the "Red Machine" for $10 and the bottle says there's 4 lbs of fruit in each bottle. It's a natural blend of strawberries, raspberries, cranberries, pomegranates, oranges, bananas, red grapes...and they even added some flax seed and some red sea algae for good measure. With all that stuff in it, I'll admit..the first time I had a glass, I was a little scared to take that first sip!

After I tasted it though I wished I hadn't waited so long to try it - this stuff is f*cking delicious! So delicious that it was imperative I put the "f" word before the delicious part, no kidding! I'm not even a fruit smoothie person, but after drinking it I don't think I can claim the same. It's seriously addicting - I usually have a cup in the morning and it works as good as coffee ever did for me, as far as alertness, and it fills me up, so it's a good breakfast. Or late night snack. Or whenever you feel like a tasty treat :)

Right now I am out of it and totally pining for it - so much so, that I had to come here and write about it! Hopefully some time this weekend I'll make it out to Watertown and stock up again. It's a bit of a drive, so I get at least 6 bottles each time.

So if anybody out there likes smoothies, you should check it out. You won't regret it. And even if your not a smoothie person, try it anyway! It's fiercely tasty! Not too mention VERY good for you.

They have a lot of different kinds of juice and each has their own "family" - Red Machine is part of the "Superfood" family (they also have Blue Machine, Green Machine and a Purple Machine) - Each family caters to different needs or tastes...for example:

The "Antioxidant Family"

The "Energy Family" (Which has, Orange Mango Motion & Strawberry Kiwi Kick ! I really wanna try these out!)
The "Protein Family"

The "Well being Family"

Sams club is missing a few I want to try, which is kind of a bummer, but we have The Mustard Seed that carries them, so the next time I'm out that way, I'm going to stop in and see if they have a larger variety. For now I'm good with Red Machine though..so I haven't been rushing!

Anyway, here's some of the nutritional info for Red Machine (if you can see it - it's kinda small) - And I hope you enjoyed my product endorsement for the week! I seem to be doing a lot of these lately..ha. You can also look more into the juice @ www.nakedjuice.com

(click on the image for a larger version)

Burned-out

Once again, it's been over a week without a post. Last week was full of ice and sick kids and hormonal downs so I didn't bother in sharing.

The truth is I've become very apathetic with almost everything. I don't have "ups" and I don't have "downs" - everything just is, and there's not much that gets a rise out of me. Even when something does, my brain decides it takes too much energy to worry about it, so it quickly flattens whatever is bothering me out and puts it back on an even playing field. Some might say all this isn't a bad thing, but in a way, I think it is. It's horribly boring for one. It makes me a boring person, even to myself.

Have you ever looked at people in a social situation and noticed how some people are the life of the party, and how others thrive off this energy and generally join in happily with conversation? You can start with one person, and from that it can get the whole thing flowing, until you have a nice little "party" going on..it's as if the energy is contagious.

I've seen it many times, but with me it's different. I want to join in all the fun, but it's like all the energy bounces off me like the same sides of a magnet. So I generally sit there, listening, the occasional smile...trying to loosen up? Wanting to be as cool as some of the people in the room, but it's just not to be.

It leaves me with the conclusion once again, that I really am a boring person. I guess it depends on the crowd you get me in, if it's one of politics and heated debates on religion...well...I can come to life. But when it's just everyday stuff, and nothing in particular, I fail. Miserably.

And then I wonder why there are few people that I can call "friends" - why have a boring friend when you can have one full of zest and passion, who lets you feed off their energy?

I want to think it's just a temporary thing, and one day I will rise and be the one people migrate too. I don't think it will happen though - solely, because not only do I bore people, but deep down I push them away too. Just when you think I might be interesting, you won't hear from me for days...weeks...cause something in me pulls away. I have no idea what it's about, but it's definitely a habit of mine.

Anyway, on a lighter note, Andrew will be home in just over 3 weeks. I am looking forward to it...maybe he can shake me out of my apathy. Wake me up or something, cause I feel like I've been asleep at the wheel for some time now.

Are you burned out?

Take this quiz and see.

I am - without a doubt.

Chocolate!

I'm sure everyones heard that a nice "dark chocolate" is good for you, in moderation of course. It seems chocolate has specific "flavonoids" that when consumed, cause the antioxidant status of your blood to increase. This rise in antioxidant levels helps protect us from damage to the heart and blood vessels, while it also guards our DNA from damage that can lead to cancer. Chocolate can also improve the flow and function of blood vessels and help control inflammation in your body. Doctors recommend a daily glass of red wine for the same reason and it's why books/TV shows usually say "Have a glass of wine OR a small piece of FINE chocolate for the antioxidants."

As you all know, I'm all about a glass of wine, so I've never really looked into the chocolate thing. Problem is I'm not really a red wine fan, so today I went looking online for what exactly a "FINE CHOCOLATE" is.

I would have never guessed it was such a huge ordeal! I found a site called Seventypercent.com that basically reviews different types of chocolate with cocoa levels of 50% and beyond, which are the types of chocolate thats supposed to be healthy for you.

According to their site a "fine chocolate" is:

When we refer to 'fine chocolate' we mean good, dark, strong chocolate made from high quality ingredients. We call this kind of chocolate 'fine' to distinguish it from the many candy bar products that are also called chocolate, even though cocoa may only be present in a small percentage in the coating of the bar.

There's no 'industry standard' official term that means better quality chocolate, but we like to use 'fine chocolate' to mean any chocolate made with a good proportion of cocoa solids - 50% minimum for dark chocolate. We also think a fine chocolate should consist only of the basic natural ingredients of chocolate - cocoa, cocoa butter, sugar and sometimes real vanilla and soya lecithin as an emulsifier.

Ideally, a fine chocolate would be one made from a carefully selected blend of 'flavour' beans and would be made with care and love by manufactures concerned about taste and quality.

So like I said earlier, they also offer reviews, but I'm too lazy to go through all of them, so I just picked a few brands that were on the top of their list and then went searching for places to actually buy the chocolate, because their site has a store but it's based in London so everything is in pounds and thats too complicated for me, not too mention, shipping would be a bitch!

Instead, I googled a some of the names, and came up with a few places to buy "fine" chocolate bars. One of them was http://www.worldwidechocolate.com/ - but after looking around a bit, I thought it was hella pricey so I looked some more, but unfortunately they are all about the same price.

I'm talking no less than $8 to over $20 for a SINGLE candy bar!! For that price I was hoping the bar would be the size of my laptop or a large dinner plate? I dunno. It's not though, it looks to be thinner but around average length of a supermarket candy bar.

One of the highest rated chocolates is "Amedei" and I found it on Amazon.com from $12 to $20.

So now I have to ask myself if I really want to pay $12 for a chocolate bar. Part of me does, just so I can taste what these people are talking about, and then of course for the health benefits.... but to be truley honest, I'm more likely to buy one based on my curiosity of the taste!

It would suck to spend $12 and not like it though, which is a strong possiblity because from what I've read, they take a lot of the good stuff out of it like sugar and milk! Milk chocolate doesn't have the health benefits though, which bring me into a whole other rant about our media and them only giving us a fraction of the story. They tell you to eat some fine chocolate, but they don't even bother going into what classifies as a fine chocolate, or where to get them..etc..etc....which is lame. It's telling you a story but not really giving you any sort of ending, so most of us don't do much with what we hear or we do the wrong thing and think they are talking about a Hershey bar, and totally miss the point.


Errr. Anyway, maybe I will splurge on the $12 candy bar, but I'm not quite sold. Totally considering it though, just so I can see what all they hype is about! I'll definitely update here if I do :)

Merry Christmas!

"Santa" was very good to the girls this year, so this morning was a lot of fun. We got woke with a call from Andrew, which was awesome. He only gets 10 minute "moral calls" so we didn't get to chat long, but he was on the phone long enough to hear Taylor's reaction from her presents from Santa, and also hear them both open up the presents he sent home for them.

"Santa" got Taylor a Nintendo DS that she never thought she would get, plus a few games for it. It was all tied together with ribbon and set near the tree. She literally started shaking when she saw it..I swear she was about to cry! Andrew got to hear her reaction too..which was really nice.

Taylor got a lot of other really nice things, but all day she's just been repeating how she can't believe she got a Nintendo DS. I asked her "what about all your other cool presents?" and she said.."I'm in shock mama! I knew I was good this year..but I didn't think I was THAT good!" - She's too funny. Right now she is playing Sims 2 on the computer because she also got an expansion pack for it, and she loves dressing up her sims and making them look all fancy and taking them out shopping. She is such a girly girl! I have no idea where she gets it..cause she didn't get it from me!!

While she's been doing that I've been toying around with her DS - and man..that thing kicks ass! She has Super Mario 64, and it's almost identical to the Super Mario game that was on the Nintendo 64, and I used to love playing that game. Needless to say, if I get bored while she's in school I'll be picking it up! Haha, well probably not too much. Audrey doesn't let me get bored to often.

Speaking of Audrey, she is in heaven too. She wants to put half of what she got in the water table..it's funny. Oh, and she wanted to get in it, and was pretty dissapointed that wasn't going to happen. I took some good pictures of her playing with it and a few other toys, so I'll have to post them a little later.


So all in all it's been a good day. It hasn't felt quite as good as I was hoping for, because I was hoping to be so distracted with things I wouldn't miss Andrew not being around as much. Unfortunately the more cute moments I see, and as I begin to cook dinner for tonight, it just really makes me sad that he's not here to see it and enjoy this day. To say that we "miss him" is a gross understatement. ..but let me get off that subject before I get too emotional!


I need to check on the turkey and I don't want to dry it out so I better go! (yes, I said TURKEY! It's a free-range..and not a Butterball..so I caved!) It should be a scrumptious dinner..yummm.

Once again..Merry Christmas!!

I can't think of a title...cause I'm rambling too much

This week has been busy, so I guess that's why I haven't posted? I think it's like that for a lot of people out there though, being so close to Christmas and all.

I still had a few things to send out Monday, AND....

AND...

I FINALLY got my NY state driver's license! Yeah..I'm cool.

I don't think I ever went in to it on my blog, but it was a huge ordeal. It started when I went to apply for the job at the Children's Home and it said that I needed a NY driver's license to work there. So then I looked into what needed to be done to just get my license from Missouri transferred over to NY and found out that my license had been suspended LAST SEPTEMBER. I had no idea, because the papers telling me so must have been going to my moms old house.

2004- early 2005 weren't very good years in my driving history, let's just put it that way! I had 2 speeding tickets (or maybe it was 3?) and one ticket for an accident I got in that was my fault. All that put my points over and caused a 30 day suspension, that would have been reinstated in October (2005) if I had known that it had happened.

But I didn't, so I found out over a year later that I had been driving without a valid license. Isn't that peachy?!

So in order to get my license over here I had to wait to be in the clear with Missouri. Basically I just had to send in $20 and a fancy little paper the DMV filled out here that said I was applying to be a legal resident of New York. Then of course a lot of red tape mishaps in between that drew things out a bit.

It's all in the past now though, and I'm totally squared away and LEGAL!! Whoo hoo. Good for me!

I think it's cool that I am now registered to vote in NY, and for the most part have left Missouri behind. My in-laws are there, but as far as my past there, it's nice to have it gone..if even by paper.

Plus, I really do like New York. I haven't found one thing I don't like about it actually. The people are outstanding, the scenery kicks complete ass, and the things to go do and see are endless. Drive 5 hours or less in any direction and you will no doubt find yourself in a very cool place....and seriously, nothing beats that.

In other news, I recently bought a subscription to TIME magazine from some highschool girl that was selling stuff out of a catalog. I didn't want any of the other crap, so for some reason I got the subscription..I think I just wanted to be nice, as she looked a little defeated from lack of sales/response from people. Anyway, early this week I got my first issue, which just happens to be the last issue of the year, so it's got the "Person of The Year" and a whole lot of other recaps.


New's magazines are bad for me though. They get me all riled up and wanting to debate, or I just get bitter and angry. I should have known better is all I can say. I would go into more detail but I don't think I could keep it short, and this is already getting pretty long.

Here's some stats before I go though:

US population in 2006: Just over 300 MILLION

The price the war in Iraq/Afghanistan has cost us so far: Over 500 BILLION


Ummm. Are you saying that technically all 300 MILLION of us could receive a BILLION dollars and STILL we would have 200 BILLION left over if there had been no war in Iraq? (ok ignore this. Tim pointed out that I'm stupid and I should stay away from mathmatics.) * a billion is a thousand million - duh. So, ok..we don't get millions. We could if we didn't give it out to the entire 300 million of us, like say we cut out anyone under 25..cause they need to struggle a little. And who ever else you can think of cutting out so I can get my million damn it...


(I know this isn't economically possible, but still..the numbers totally fuck with my head.)

And then there's the whole "Person Of The Year" thing, but I'll save that for later.

But here's a peek (I can't help myself) - It's "YOU" the internet user. The blogger. The Ebay Seller. The MYSPACE user. The YOU TUBE uploader.

Which at first glance..I thought it was cool enough. They point out, how never before have we been able to communicate and connect with each other so well, and that our opinions on the web are starting to shape the media and advertising, and so on and so forth. Good for us..yada yada yada....

Then they did a page on the 2 guys that started YOU TUBE 21 months ago, and how they just recently sold out to GOOGLE for 1.65 BILLION.

What? These dudes are now billionares? They make billions of dollars from other peoples work? And don't offer a cent in return?

YOU TUBE is cool and all, but here's a REAL billion dollar idea for you:

Someone needs to create a website similar to YOUTUBE, but the new site needs to compensate the users who post their videos on the site. Without them, you'd have nothing, so it only makes sense to me to give back in some way. But YOU TUBE basically takes and ends it there. People don't realize it, but they are being exploited.

If a website was created that compensated, in even the slightest way..all those users would move on from YOU TUBE in a heart beat. As the creator, you'd still have your millions and millions from advertisers that paid to be on your site, you'd just be giving back a little to those that made it possible. YOU TUBE is too cheap and greedy to do this, and that makes me bitter, just because it could be better, and it's not. But oh well. Who am I?

Just a number.

Into The Ocean

Sorry for the lag. Trust me, I've been falling behind in more areas then blogging though. I've just been struggling to keep it together. Usually I would log on to my blog and get it out, but lately that just seems too exhausting. Sometimes I just wish I could curl up inside a cocoon and wake up a few months from now..all bright and refreshed with a hand reaching out to welcome me back.

In the real world that isn't practical though; I have daughters to raise and take care of, which is a blessing in itself. They keep me from just throwing in the towel...because they bring too much to the table to just throw it all away.

The lesson I have learned lately is having to be an adult and just bite the bullet and drive on. There is no instant cure to what ails me. Living closer to family would help. If Andrew wasn't gone it would definitely help. Having more friends and not having just moved across the country would also make it easier. But none of those things are in my stars for now, so I just have to deal with what I have. I guess that's what all of us have to do.

Times like these, you think back to being in a parents arms.. your spouses arms, and just being held tight and told that it's all going to be ok. But then you realize your an adult now and sooner or later you just have to learn how to stand on your own two feet. It's hard..and each day is a struggle in my head, but I just grit my teeth and move on. Right now I think there is something out there trying to challenge me and teach me that I have what it takes to get through whatever I want too, no matter the circumstance.

Soon enough I will have the support that is essential sometimes and that I so desperately need, but for now, maybe it's all about me learning about ME. In the past I have done things to drown out the sadness, frustration or pain...but all those things did was hurt me even worse in the end..physically or mentally..they drove me further into my hole. Lately I haven't done any of those things and I think that's why I am feeling the way I do. I'm letting myself "feel" I guess? Which sucks..but maybe something good will come out of it.

In the meantime, in an effort to get myself back on track I think I'm going to resort back to giving myself "chore days" so that if nothing else..I know what the purpose for that day was SUPPOSED to have been. I tried it a while back and it seemed to really help..I would wake up and not remember what was designated for that day so I would look it up again on my blog...and say "oh yeah..." and go do what I needed to do. That way everything didn't seem so overwhelming and pointless.

Like I always say...baby steps! Even my "up" days are somewhat off, but I'm still here working at it..and I guess that says something. I can't give it ALL right now..but I can handle SOME....because some is definitely better than NONE.

Awww. A poem... hehe ;)

Comic Relief 2006

Happy late Thanksgiving everyone! I was pretty depressed as the day began, but it has ended on a wonderful note, and for that I am grateful.

I watched the Comic Relief special on HBO tonight and laughed my ass off to most of it. As always, Dane Cook totally had me cracking up. It feels good to laugh sometimes, ya know?

This year Comic Relief's mission is to help rebuild New Orleans and I fully support the cause. I don't care what anyone says, there is too much history and culture there to simply abandon it, for fear of it getting flooded again. We need to build better and stronger homes, and invest more time, energy and money into building a stronger levy.

Here are some quick facts for you:

50 - Approximate percentage of homes in New Orleans still lacking electricity 83 - Percentage of New Orleans schools damaged by Katrina

1/3 - Amount of debris yet to be picked up

49 - Percentage of bus routes now operational

17 - Percentage of buses back in service

$44,800,000 - Amount given to Louisiana by U.S. Dept. of Education for charter schools since Katrina

$0 - Amount given for traditional public schools damaged by the storm

100 - Number of destroyed miles on U.S. Highway 90 running along Gulf Coast between New Orleans and Pascagoula, MS

Ultimately, there are so many reasons to support this cause, and that's what I did tonight. I even got a free T-shirt out of it! More than that though, I have the satisfaction of knowing I did my part..as small as it may have been, I cared enough to give something.

I know Christmas is fast approaching, and wallets get tighter as the days progress, but I urge you to consider cutting back on a present or two and instead give a little money to this cause.

This season is about giving, but a lot of the times we get caught up in buying useless presents for people that half the time they don't use, and never needed.

So I say..

Give to a cause that you know needs your help.

Give to the elderly that lost their homes,

The children who lost their schools,

The pets that lost their owners...

Do your part, no matter how small, to bring back this soulful city that is part of our nations history, and should stay a part of our nations FUTURE.

Visit http://www.comicrelief.orgto learn more, and to donate.

And remember, it gives back!

Donate

$30-$59 you get a t-shirt

$60-$99 and you get a t-shirt + sweatshirt

$100 or more and you get a t-shirt, sweatshirt, and a "20th Anniversary DVD"


It's a winning situation however you look at it :)

WACK

I'm crazy ya'll - totally losing it. It's almost 5 am and I haven't had a wink of sleep. I tried to go to sleep around 1 am but it wasn't happening, I laid in my bed for I don't know how damn long...like till 2:30 or something. F*cking lame man. LAME.

I got up and painted a little..god knows if it will be worth anything though. Now I'm just sitting here jamming to Stone Sour on my headphones. I have been obsessed with them since last week when I first heard them. They are a lot harder than the music I usually listen too, but it's been hitting the spot like you wouldn't believe..almost as sweet as sex. Maybe I say this because I've forgotten what sex is like? Quit laughing at me...dammit I have issues. hehe.

Back to Stone Sour hitting my sweet spot...

They got some wicked beats...all hardcore. I listen to them and all my pent up angst comes to the surface ready to play with some poor unfortunate soul that crosses my path. I'm not even kidding...GRRRRR...be afraid. {{{very afraid}}}

Unfortunately no one crosses my freakin path. What fun is that??

Gah. Anyway, pretty soon I am going to upload a few tracks to my media player and put it back in my sidebar - then you too will be able to bring out your inner angst to play... and together we will make this world an angrier place! Capeesh? You know you want too. Don't lie.

Back to my sleeping issue...

I've been like this a lot lately. My body wants to do this whole 24 hours up and 8 hours down thing..and I can't seem to manually correct it. I got up early today, thinking maybe by this evening I would have been tired, but no dice. It sucks because by about 5-6 pm tonight, my body/mind will be ready to collapse in on itself. Then I will get a good nights sleep, and then the next night be up all night again. It's a horrible pattern. I'm thinking I need to get some sleep aid or something. Tylenol PM? Gotta write that one down...


I bet I'm not making any sense as I write this either. It probably sounds all wiggity wiggity wiggity wack...

My poor brain cells need some rest. They are dwindling and losing the war of my stupidity.


So yah. Ending this for now. I will surely regret it in the morning.

Oh wait. It IS the morning. Righhhhht. $%@&*!^@%

LAME.

Let's Get Some Things Straight

You know what's funny? I've been going back and forth on whether or not this is the best place to vent my current frustrations, mainly because I don't want to perpetuate more drama, which I feel might be inevitable if I do say something.

But then I checked my email and opened up my daily horoscope and lookie what it said:

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
You know what's important to you today, but still may be very worried about the reactions of others. You may feel overly responsible for someone else at work, yet your concern might have more to do with your insecurity than altruism. Think it through first; if your motives are clear, then go ahead and act on what you believe.

Oh snap. I can do that..my motives are crystal fucking clear.

Here's the thing:

Who I choose to deal with, and in what manner I deal with them is MY BUSINESS, and ONLY my business.

And guess what? Why I deal with someone the way I do..you guessed it...it's also my business.

I give those I know that respect, and all I am asking for, is it in return.

I am getting fed up with people thinking they know the way I should see things, like they have my perception all figured out and ready to bottle feed me. Perception doesn't work that way folks. It's mine and mine alone. Everyone has a different way of looking at things, it's just how it is. Until you've walked in my shoes, the smart thing to do is just stop trying to meddle and let me come to you and explain myself...that is if I feel I owe you an explanation.

Weakness

1. Lacking physical strength, energy, or vigor; feeble.

2. Likely to fail under pressure, stress, or strain; lacking resistance: a weak link in a chain.

3. Lacking firmness of character or strength of will.

We are all weak in our own ways, I understand this and I know I'm not above it. What differentiates myself and others from people that I have a problem with, is that even though my life has had it's own share of adversity and at times I've felt like nothing and ready to quit - I DIDN'T.

Like I always say. I got stories. Tons of them. My life was no bowl of goddamn cherries, and it still isn't. But I'll be damned if I'd ever quit or even want to quit. I have too much to live for, too much to prove to those who thought otherwise of me, and too much pride to ever let anyone get the best of me.

What happened in my life doesn't define me. I define me.

So although we all crumble at times from the pressure, it's essential to pick yourself back up and drive on. I have little tolerance for those who can't seem to understand that they are in control of their own destiny and like to play life's victim. Bad things happen to good people all the time, and it's up to you whether your going to let the bad guy knock you down.

If your one of those people that is forever playing your violin and at the same time hopes to get respect from me, you have to understand that it's not an easy thing for me. I'd prefer to take your violin and smash it over your head in hope to snap you out of your self-pity. Out of love..I would totally break your violin, because it does nothing for you...nothing but drive you further into your own sad psychosis, and that's just a waste of what would have otherwise been a person with great potential in life. If you can't move on from your past all you know how to do is feed off of others like a parasite because you don't believe your strong enough to stand on your own.

Anyway, I know I am being harsh, but this is how I feel. So when I have a birth mother who wallows in self-pity and a sister who can't understand why I keep my distance from her, I get pretty frustrated. One, no one really knows how much effort I'm putting into someone but me.

My MOTHER died only 3 months ago.

3 months.

She was mean and heartless and used the fuck out of me, but she was my mom, and we had our good times too. It was her damn idea to take me out of the children's home, she liked my red hair and thought I was cute to boot. I didn't have the best home life, but at least I wasn't busy being an orphan and visiting countless foster homes of people who enjoy locking kids in closets when they are tired of them.

She took me away from that and I have to respect that and love her for it regardless of how she hurt me in the past.

So please consider my position on things and understand where I am coming from. I haven't even been able to wrap my head around my own mother dying and at the same time I'm supposed to embrace another "mother" - it's not so easy, and any little contact with her is EFFORT, and it's my way of trying to give her a chance. Stop trying to create drama and figure out what my INACTION means. When I say nothing, I mean nothing. After I don't talk to someone for 4 days and all of a sudden they are emailing me and assuming I don't want to talk to them EVER AGAIN and I'm ready to write them off, it annoys the shit out of me. It tells me that too much shit has been going on in the background and that people are wasting their time trying to figure out things that they can truly only know if they ASK THE SOURCE. It pisses me off to the point where I just want to give them what they've wasted all their time on,...... what they think they've got all figured out. How in the hell you try to figure out whats going on in someone elses head is beyond me...it's so damn pointless.

Anyway I'm done. I got more personal than I wanted, but I'm not going to write long emails pleading my case and I'm certainly not going to explain myself over the phone. I won't defend myself against your THOUGHTS of me and nothing that I have actually done. All I have done is tried, believe it or not. I am trying to give a little and work with something that I don't even feel comfortable with yet, so my advice is to get off the campaign trail and let me make my own decisions in life.

OK I feel better now.

WARNING

I need to get some stuff off my chest, so if you have delicate sensibilities or feel like you have a tendency to take things personal, you might need to stop here and go on about your internet surfing.

The thing is, over a year and a half ago I started this blog as an outlet and lately it hasn't been a good one at all. Sometimes it's just a fun way to pass the time as I mess with the template, but a lot of times it was here when I really needed to express myself in one way or another about a multitude of things.

Like the many times it was the wee hours of the morning and I had drank too much wine...I could come here and type in a post that made complete nonsense, feel better, and then take my drunk ass to bed and pass out. (sigh..such good times)

Or the times I was dealing with my mom, I could come here and vent and make fun of her...it may not have been right in all ethical circles, but it made me feel better. And thats what counts right? ;)

My frustration had a home, and that was KEY.

My blog is here for many different reasons, and they are ALL selfish. Every time I try to start writing stuff just to write it and make my readers happy, it ALMOST ALWAYS ends up sucking donkey balls. But when I come here to get shit off my chest and write about everything from my family, to politics, to how my kids get on my nerve, or to share some music I'm obsessed with or a painting I just finished, it ALMOST ALWAYS turns out to be some good stuff. And if it's not, I don't care, because at least it made me feel better to write it/ share it.

Some people start blogs for affirmation of something or another. Maybe they want to know if you care what they have to say....or maybe they try and write something you might think is interesting. Sometimes it's just a popularity contest and people weigh everything on how many comments they get or how many visits they get to their sitemeter. The thing they are missing is that you don't start a blog for OTHER PEOPLE. Unless it's one of those political or fashion blogs and etc. that are purely for entertainment purposes.

I don't care about any of those things. I could care less if you don't care. If you get bored..leave. And comment or no comment, I will continue to post and enjoy my blog for what it is, it's for my enjoyment more than anything. Those who create blogs for what they are hoping they get out of other people, almost always fail because they get let down, and wrap up way too much in whether they get a comment or not.

Blogging is not where you come to find out if your family loves you, or for confirmation that you are an interesting person, or that what you have to say is important. YOU need to have the confidence to KNOW that you are an interesting person..or at least think you are, and YOU need KNOW you are important to yourself before looking to another to assure you of it. And odds are, if your family loves you, they still love you even if they suck at giving comments. (Damon loves me and he never comments! hehe) If someone does care about what you have to say, trust me...it's a BONUS. An awesome bonus, and greatly appreciated, but it shouldn't be the sole reason why you blog.

It's an outlet, and I don't have a whole lot of other outlets that I prefer to use, especially when it just comes to random rants and minor annoyances that don't mean enough to bring to any ones attention personally.

What's frustrating me is that lately I haven't been able to use this blog how I would like because of who might be reading it and such. Not that I mind family reading it, but since I know they are, I feel like I have to censor my content so as not to offend anyone.

And we all know...censorship is not fun! ;)

Anyway, so I need to change that. I need to be able come here and dump shit without repercussions and then move on my merry way. I also don't want to hurt any ones feelings in the process.

How do I do that?

Well. We have to come to a mutual understanding. It's as simple as that. You as the reader have to understand that none of what I write is to bring anything to your attention personally. Meaning: if I was angry with you I wouldn't come here to let you know, or if it was any other big deal that I felt needed to be addressed personally..this wouldn't be my way of letting you know...I'd tell you first, as long as you were open to hear it.

On the other hand, if your just annoying me in some random stupid way, I might feel the need to get it out and write about it. I'd email you about it, but if I am writing about it in here, it's nothing that changes my perspective of you in any way, I don't like/love you any less, and I am not even saying you need to stop doing what your doing. I just want to come here and say your annoying me and then get on with life. That's how fleeting it is.

The problem with not being able to express my minor annoyances for fear of offending someone is that over time they build up because I've had nowhere to dump them and then I might start getting actually mad at you and really have no reason to be.

Does that make any sense?? I hope it does.

The moral of this story? Don't take anything I write too personal or too seriously, because it isn't meant to be. By all means, if I am annoying you, go write about it in your blog...and me being me...I will probably drop you a comment about how you love me anyway so to live with it ;) As long as your not over there totally trashing me, I'm cool. So I'm asking you to be cool too :)

Otherwise, I dunno, maybe you should just give my blog up because I am tired of not being able to go here and say whats on my mind. I thought about just creating a different blog that no one knows...

But I was here first!!! hehe

Seriously..I have too much history here to just abandon it.

Ok, so that's it. From now on I'm going to say what I want to say, and that's just how it is. Love it or leave it baby.

I have a great topic for my first installment but I feel it's too long to get into right now considering how long this post is already..I don't want to overwhelm anyone! Lord knows I've had my share of frustrations lately.

Peace out homies - more tomorrow!

The Elections

Wow..what an awesome day!! Democrats have a good hold on the senate, and might even win it once Virgina gets their shit together; they have the house majority for the first time in 12 years, and then Rumsfeld steps down??

Hell diggity dog YES! That's what I'm talking about..

Shhewwt.

I think where there are politicians there will always be corruption, but Washington has been out of control for the past few years..and finally the people have spoken. Thank god.

I find it funny how now Bush is all behind Rumsfeld leaving when just a few weeks ago it was unheard of. Now he's all over the TV with his smug attitude "Of course I think it's a good time, its very important to get a fresh perspective"..with his evil little grin the whole time. He's so full of bull-shit. The next few days/weeks are going to be interesting. I might actually watch the news!

One of the biggest surprises of the night was Republican Rep. Jim Leach's defeat in Iowa after a career that spanned 30 years, losing to Dave Loebsack, a college professor making his first run for elective office. Sweet! So many republicans got booted after serving numerous terms..I am speechless. In a happy way. :-)

Oh man, I could go on and on and on, but I'll spare you...just this once.

{{{trying to calming down}}}

Think about it?

You won't believe this video. Undercover investigators at a Butterball turkey plant in Arkansas caught workers stomping and sitting on live birds, ripping their legs off, and slamming them against walls and the sides of trucks. At the slaughterhouse, turkeys are hung upside-down by their weak and crippled legs before their heads are dragged through an electrified - stunning tank, which immobilizes the animals but does not kill them. Many birds dodge the tank and, therefore, are still conscious when their throats are slit. If the knife fails to properly slit the birds throats, they are scalded to death in scalding-hot defeathering tanks.

I know most of my readers might not care, but for the slim chance that it might change your mind on eating a turkey this year, I am posting it anyways.

Spread some holiday joy to turkeys by sparing their lives. Look in supermarkets and health-food stores or on the Internet for Tofurky, Unturkey, Tofu Turkey, Native Foods Holiday Wellington, and other widely available turkey alternatives. For more information on vegetarian holiday meals, call PETA toll-free at 1-888-VEG-FOOD or visit GoVeg.com.

Take the Thanksgiving pledge?

Don't get me started..

Aside from it getting dark at 5 O'clock in the evening - Don't you just love daylight savings time in the fall? I LOVE getting my hour back. Today seemed slower than most days, and for once, I actually wouldn't have wanted otherwise. We didn't really do anything special, but it was still a good day. It was a excellent day to veg...god knows we wouldn't have wanted to be outside. It is cold with 60mph winds. (a.k.a. miserable outside)

Yesterday I submitted my blog to a site that reviews them. It's called "I talk Too Much" and from what I can tell, they love dissing your site, everything from your content to your design..and they umm...HATE dark templates like mine. I'm a glutton for punishment I guess. I can only imagine what they might have to say, I've told myself I won't take it personally though..it might be fun to hear some honest critique with no regards for my feelings. There's a chance I could get a good review, but I'm seriously not counting on it!

Anyway, if you want to go check out the site, it's : www.italk2much.com


(hehe, he will HATE that I put his pic up here, but it's one of my favorites)

On another note, but somewhat related, Andrew emailed me a rant about the replies (comments) I get on my blog. He said that he trys to "engage" in some intellectual conversation when he leaves a comment, but no one ever seems to reciprocate it. This is just another sign he's a little bored out there in Afghanistan..or more likely wanting some kind of human interaction. I tried to explain that comments aren't usually where the conversation begins, but I'm not sure he was down with it. His rant was seriously funny though, although I'm not sure he intended it to be. He needs to go do yoga or learn some relaxation techniques, hehe.

I think it would be cool if he had a blog of his own..it would be a neat peek into his world, but he said that if he does he has to register it with Chain of Command, and he didn't want to go through all the BS. For that, I can't blame him.

------

Speaking of a soldier..my upstairs neighbors husband is hopefully coming home this week from Afghanistan. Not for any good reason though. These guys have it so rough out there, you have no idea.

It started a month ago when her husband went to sick call for severe pain in his abdomen, and then was told that it was kidney stones. They got him on meds and then after a few days did some xrays but didn't find any kidney stones. They told him that possibly they were too small to be picked up on, and I assume, sent him on his way.

Next thing my neighbor knew, she was getting a call from him saying that he had recently had surgery and got his appendix taken out and also part of his colon. The thing is, they did it in Afghanistan..because it was somewhat of a emergency situation...which is not a good thing. Afghanistan is a dirty place, with a lot of dirt and dust, so they usually don't do operations there. It's better to send the soldiers to Germany.

He wasn't so lucky though, and as a result he stayed in Afghanistan for another week and a half while they waited for him to be stable enough to transport, because he was still not able to get off a feeding tube, and something about his guts not working right..I don't know the exact details.

When they finally moved him though, he didn't even get to go straight to Germany, he spent 2 days in a city in Iraq, where just a day after he left, 2 soldiers were killed.

So finally he gets to Germany, and they declare he has a really bad infection going on so they open him back up and leave him open so it could drain. Then after a few days they sew him back up..but then end up opening him back up again.

Such a mess. And all this time my neighbor was just wanting him to arrive at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in WA, so she could go see him, but it took them a while to get him stable enough to make the trip home.

She left last week to go meet him though, and I haven't talked to her since, but hopefully he's there and on his way back to his house soon. The poor guy has lost over 30lbs in a very short time, and I'm sure he can't wait to enjoy the comforts of home. I mean, all soldiers miss home..it's hard not too, but in his particular situation I'm sure it means even more.

You Are a "Don't Tread On Me" Libertarian

You distrust the government, are fiercely independent, and don't belong in either party. Religion and politics should never mix, in your opinion... and you feel opressed by both. You don't want the government to cramp your self made style. Or anyone else's for that matter. You're proud to say that you're pro-choice on absolutely everything!

What's Your Political Persuasion?

Anyway..just had to share that. The news doesn't even give you a glimpse into what it's like to be a soldier or even a family member of a soldier. It's f*cked up. There's no other way to put it. It didn't used to be so bad, but since the war soldiers are way over worked and stressed the hell out..and so are their families.

They all know what they signed up for, there's no doubt about that, and they are still proud of what they do, but when your going on 2-3 years of constant deployments, it makes it hard to keep the faith. Long gone are the days where you sigh in relief that you made it home alive from a war...

Now days, you get to catch your breath just long enough to head your ass back out.

F*cked up.

There isn't a better word out there for it.

Anyways. Off my rant for now. It kind of came out of nowhere.



Before I go, and on a completely DIFFERENT note, THE FRAY has a new "bootleg" album out - "Live At The Electric Factory" -- and it's sweet as hell. I saw them live..and they are OUTSTANDING, so I'm glad I now get to listen to them live on a CD!! If you like The Fray, you should go buy it. ASAP, k? It's a limited edition..so hurry on up.

You WILL NOT be disappointed.

* ALSO, PLEASE NOTE THAT IF YOUR VIEWING MY SITE WITH INTERNET EXPLORER, YOU MAY NOT BE SEEING IT RIGHT. FOR SOME REASON MY PAGE TITLE AND DESCRIPTION DON'T SHOW UP? FIREFOX IS A GREAT BROWSER..GIVE IT A TRY!!*

Thursday's Top 10

Ok, so lately I have been seriously slacking.

As in:

1 : not using due diligence, care, or dispatch : NEGLIGENT
2 a: characterized by slowness, sluggishness, or lack of energy b : moderate in some quality ; especially : moderately warm c: blowing or flowing at low speed
3 a: not tight or taut b: lacking in usual or normal firmness and steadiness : WEAK
4: wanting in activity: DULL
5: lacking in completeness, finish, or perfection
synonym see NEGLIGENT




The reasons why are somewhat difficult to articulate..the best explanation I can give is lately I have felt a little "out of place" -- and I'm not completely sure that's a good explanation. I don't mean it very literally, but just an overall feeling that this is all some how temporary -- my life as I know it now.

So anyway...it just makes me want to float above it all and observe. When I'm involved it feels like I'm not really there anyway, so why bother?

Promise I'm not trying to speak in codes, but I think that's my best shot at trying to give perspective of where my mind is at lately.

Anyway...here are the:

TOP 10 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOUR IN "FLOAT" MODE:


10. Keep having to wash the same load of laundry over and over again because you keep forgetting the next step of bringing it out of the washer and putting it in the dryer. (can you say smelly?)

09. Watch all the FREE "On Demand" programs your cable company provides. My cable company kicks ass so the list is pretty limitless...here are a few examples:

Fitness TV on demand - learn how to belly dance, Brazilian booty dance, urban dance, shape your abs, buns and thighs...and just for the hell of it, watch "The Ultimate Men's Workout"
(just watching these people gets me tired..but it's something to do)

Sports Instruction on demand - Learn skateboard tricks, the best way to train for a triathlon, all about mountain biking, golf, baseball skills
(you name it...I've watched it..come to me with all your sports questions)

Boom TV on demand: watch the Smurfs, the Pink Panther...Yogi Bear, etc, etc....it's like your 10 again but EVEN BETTER because you don't have some picky ass parent telling you to get up and be productive.
(you can eat on the couch and everything..it rocks)


08. Watch a lot of HGTV (home and garden tv) or DIY (do it yourself) TV and enjoy watching other people being productive. You get to see people fix up and sell their houses and meanwhile lose yourself in your thoughts of how YOU WISH you had a house of your own...especially the houses that these people tend to have..even the dumps that have potential...if only you had that house and the money to fix it..how fun would that be?
(for now..just watch other people do it and be jealous)

07. Watch the "Dog Whisperer" marathon on the National Geographic channel and secretly fall in love with Ceasar Millan -- all the while calling your dogs names because they don't seem to be as smart as the ones on TV. And don't forget when it's over...your on a true mission to prove to your dog who "The Leader Of The Pack" is. YOU. So get up and start bossing your dog around and wisping at it until it SUBMITS.
(if this fails, repeat the marathon that you've recorded and try again)

06. Lose yourself while toying with numerous blog templates..redesigning them, making your own graphics for them. This is actually a lot of fun, as lame as it may sound. (to me anyway)

05. Subscribe and watch the live feeds from Big Brother All Stars -- enough said
(yes I'm aware that this inherently implies I have issues!)

04. Go hang out at Lowes and actually watch people buy things to fix up their house. If you have some time to waste, actually fill up your cart with things you would buy to fix your imaginary house you wish you had.
(this takes the cake really...)

03. Become a member of Sam's Club just so you can go visit the warehouse and look at all the cool things you can buy in massive quantities. Then actually buy the things you hate going to the store for so you don't have to get them again for at least the next 6 months.
(Make sure to reserve a special closet just for all the toilet paper, paper towels, and other numerous things you've gotten in packs of six that you have no where else to put.)

02. Drive around your town and look at any and all empty store fronts that are for rent and dream about owning your own business. Then try to figure out and stick to what that business would be...this is another fun one.

Here are my top five ideas so far:

A dog grooming business (because the last person that groomed Gatsby totally butchered him..ohhhh how mommy was pissed!)

A pet supply store (after realizing I wouldn't really want to be up to my neck in dog hair all day)

A gallery/art supply store

A coffee shop

A Mexican or Cajun restaurant. I cook both very well :)

AND...FINALLY...


01.
Have a bottle of wine and eat popcorn
(both will take you to a place of supreme happiness AND a literal feeling of floating...you can't really beat that!)

Border Patrol

You know, I've been trying to stay away from this immigration debate since it started..honestly..biting my tongue the whole time.

But let me just volunteer a few facts.

The National Guard is over-extended as it is. I wouldn't have any gripes if their only mission were to patrol the border, but the reality is that a lot of these soldiers have served in Iraq already, and have mobilized thousands of miles away from their homes, either waiting to go to Iraq, or helping to take the place of those who are there already. Here at Fort Riley, they are building a whole new part of post, specifically designed for National guard, and Reserve Soldiers. Building barracks for them and the like. They run this post while active duty soldiers are deployed, they don't have transportation, they are shuttled around in buses, and most of them live in hangars or in make shift tents. These are people that had decent jobs, making as much and most of the time ABOVE what the Army offers. But yeah, they signed up for this, always knew the risk..so who cares?

I do.

I think my husband has it bad - But these guys have it worse. They have families, but they are not on any army base, they are among any small town. No ounce of support. If you are a military spouse, the only person who can truly relate to you is another Army spouse, and the majority of your National guard/Reserve spouses are without any support group, and trust me, it's essential.

So you have these guys out there, for over a year, most of the time more, with wives at home..Sacrificing the pay cut, spouses, worrying day after day of the security of their husband..and if that's not bad enough, once they get back from Iraq, lets keep them at a base..let's keep them mobilized hours and hours away from where they live until we are sure we have no use for them...but OH WAIT. Oh yes..WE DO NEED YOU.

Go patrol the borders now.

Go MONKEY.

GO.

F*ck your spouse.

F*ck your family.

GO Monkey.

We need you there now.

We need you to divert the attention of what's really at hand.


Instead of focusing on where the solution really lies, penalizing these corporate companies that allow illegal immigrants to work for them, only to line their own fat f*cking pockets and keep minimum wage down and keep it at a standstill...let's ignore that...let's try OUR BEST to DIVERT the attention back to where it's benefits my greedy politician pockets so they can keep getting fatter and fatter.


The Bush administration doesn't give a flying F about our soldiers. They only care about the bottom line, and this bottom line only concerns their welfare, and not your average American citizen...and I'll be damned if this isn't really pissing me off.

See why I was biting my tongue?

It's sooo not pleasant, but I couldn't help it anymore.

Good Things!

I've been behind the power curve the past year or so because I've been in denial of a few cleaning products that supposedly make cleaning easier. I usually watch the commercials and scoff - i.e. -"Yeah right..it wishes it picked up dust like a magnet..." "Magic Eraser my ass.."

Well, let me be the first to say, I was wrong. A few weeks ago I bought the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, and I was f*cking amazed with that thing! One swipe over just about anything, and it was gone! I went around my house like a mad woman wiping around door frames, scuffed walls, even paint splatters in my kitchen..with barely any effort, it made them disappear. Speechless..utterly SPEECHLESS.

So then last week when I was at the store, I decided to give a few other products a try. One of them was a Swiffer Duster thingymajiggy - and low and behold, that thing rocks too. It picks up dust without one speck flying into the air..AND it stays there! I dusted the whole house in about 15 min, it was awesome. Plus, it's thin and flexible, so it's good for getting into the tiny spaces like around your dvd player, and cable box, things like that. I also picked up the Mr Clean Magic reach..I think that's what it's called. It's for scrubbing your shower walls and floors and stuff. It was really nice too. It beats the hell out of standing in the tub with a sponge or a rag..let me tell ya. The only gripe I had about it was the little scrubbing sleeve kept coming off.


So if your like me, and your life revolves around cleaning, or what you should be cleaning, but aren't..and you've been in denial..like moi..I would definitely give them a try. I know I'm happy I did. I'm cussing myself out cause I didn't sooner!


And while we are on the subject of Glenda's "good things!" - anyone who hasn't tried Stouffer's Corner Bistro frozen meals, should really give them a whirl. I don't know about them all, but the Monterey Chicken one, and the Turkey and Cheese Panini sandwiches are orgasmically YUMMY.

Orgasmic people.

Next best thing to sitting in a restaurant, I promise. I hardly ever go out and eat when Andrew's not around, because I don't want to go by myself with the girls, (more than a handful..I might get indigestion) so these meals have been a godsend, and a yummy treat. Do yourself a favor and try them at least once :)


Hmmmmm...that's all for now. ;)

Disconcerting

Wow. I'm speechless. A minute ago I was looking at other people's answers that Sarah tagged, and one of them had a link on their sidebar to The National Sex Offender Public Registry, where you can put in your local zip codes to see those charged such acts in your area. So I put in my zip code, and one of a town right outside one of the gates of Fort Riley, called Ogden. The thing about Ogden, is it's a very small town, no stop lights, and only about 4 blocks before your out of it in any given direction, so when I put in it's zip code I wasn't expecting to see much..but I was wrong. They have 8 registered sex offenders for indecent liberties with a child, or for aggravated sexual battery. This is just plain unsettling. Who would have thought? I really am too naive sometimes I guess.

There were also 2 on Fort Riley (probably not anymore, I'm sure the Army kicked them out..or I would hope so at least) but the population to who lives on post, to that of Ogden is probably triple or more, so based on a average I guess it's not that bad.

I will make a point of talking to my 9 yr old about it when she gets home from school, because it's easy to assume that your completely safe in a small town, or living on base, but in reality, you just never know who's lurking around, and you have to keep your gaurd up.

It's a valuable site to know about, and a great service they provide, all you have to do is put the zip codes of question in, and there you have it, a list of names, and even a picture of them, and of the charge.

Visit: http://www.nsopr.gov/

Now accepting applications

I think I'm quite possibly as bored with life as a person can get. It's not that I don't do anything though, for example, just yesterday I decided to organize my week a little better and designate certain chores for certain days. Basically, it's an attempt for some structure.

Monday: Errand day

Tuesday: Laundry, bath the dogs

Wednesday: Bathrooms, and floors

Thursday: Dust house, laundry if needed

Friday: pick a closet and organize it, and throw stuff out if needed (need to get ready for the move)

Saturday: Recover from drinking too much wine Friday night, Bathrooms again

Sunday: Lawn work (when the grass actually starts growing)


So as you can see, I am more than entertained. On top of my marked chore days, it's also a daily thing to vacuum, clean the kitchen, pick up toys....etc...etc. And then there's my daily dose of Dora The Explorer or The Backyardigans! It's a banging fun time. Plus, the chore days give me something particular to look forward to that day; it's my own special purpose in life. I mean what's better than waking up and knowing it's laundry day?!?! Seriously, it doesn't get much better than that.

Unfortunately, as entertaining as all that is, I'm still pretty damned bored. Maybe it's a lack of interaction with the anyone over 2 years old. Glenda sucks, and she has no friends to hang out with or come visit her. Actually, I don't suck, the missing friends suck, because it's not my fault they aren't cool enough to hang out with me. IF your idea of fun is gossiping, or shopping all the time, or if you always bring your drama...than I'll pass. I never had this problem in Germany, my friends there would debate politics, religion, bang our heads to some good rock, or dance to some good R&B, run to the local pub in the middle of the day for a cappuccino, go walking in the vineyards, you name it...we did it. I guess there's no use in making new friends now anyway, seeing as I'll be gone in 2 months. Hopefully things get a bit more interesting in NY.

Blahh anyway, I'm on a soap box.

On the upside, I have the 5th season of Six Feet Under arriving in the mail any day now. It's finally been released, and I'm way excited. It will give me something to do for at least a week or so. I just wish I knew some people who loved the show as much as I do, and we could hang out and watch it together..that would be so much fun. Sorry, I'm whining again.

Anyway I better go, it's Wednesday after all, and this girl has bathrooms to clean and floors to scrub. I can feel your envy.......

Coming to a theater near you...

Has anyone noticed how many horror movies are out there lately? And by lately, I mean since last year. It used to be that for the most part the thrillers were saved for around October & late fall..

But for a while now they have been coming out with new ones constantly, and it just makes me wonder why. They must be taking in some money at the theater I guess, otherwise they wouldn't keep making them.

I don't have anything against horror movies, to each his own I suppose. They aren't my thing though, simply because I'm just too much of a sissy and gory things make me hide under the blankets and then give me nightmares.

Anyway, I do wonder why there is such a fascination with death and gore lately. I remember after 9/11 even the most mild violence was considered carefully before it left for the TV or the theaters. Americans had witnessed a true nightmare, complete with gore and tragic death, and it made them more sensitive to whether or not it was appropriate to glorify death. Obviously many have gotten past 9/11, and I never thought it should change things, but in some areas I always thought it would have been nice if the incident made people more aware of how they spend their time, and drown themselves in everything but life and reality. They say 9/11 woke up a sleeping country, but it looks to me as though we are starting to nod off again. I think if you want to see death and destruction all you have to do is read up on our war in Iraq, or refresh your mind of the dead lying in the streets after Hurricane Katrina, or think of the Tsunami victims...and the list goes on.

Maybe this all sounds overly critical, because after all, it's only entertainment. The target audience for these types of movies might just be for all the teens, cause it seems it's popular with them. So maybe it says nothing about our country and it's people, and I'm just reading too much into it.

It's happened before.