Saturday, September 10, 2005


When you’re a stay at home mom, the days blend together, so really there should be no distinction between a Monday and a Friday, all the days tend to blend together. For some reason, just because I know today is today, it leads me to pick up the pace and finish the week off right (whatever that is,) meaning, clean the house and all that other domestic bullshit. This is inevitably followed by a nice glass or 5 (shhhhh) of wine. On one hand I would say, “Then why not make everyday like a Friday?” My kidneys would hate it if I did though, - flat out. But still, Fridays are so much better. Even though I realize this is nothing but a mental state and it’s all in my head, it does nothing for me. Realizing things does nothing but make you ponder what to do with your realizations. Sure, recognize your errors, but with no clue how to fix them. A lot of good that does.

It sucks to know you have issues and not know what to do with them. No one you think you can confide in, no one who cares. Lord forbid someone say they do care, it just gives you all the more reason to shoot the effort down…ahh…and then we twirl right back to the issue. Lovely.

Do you ask out of obligation? I guess that’s better than most though. I know of many who ask how I’m doing, just to hear themselves. They walk away as I mumble the answer…they were that concerned. I can just feel the love.

There’s not many people I care to ask how their doing. But when I ask, I really want to know. Even if you tell me your world is crumbling down….I asked, and I truly want to know, I wouldn’t have asked otherwise. Too many people ask, “How are you?” and smile before your mouth even opens.

Lets makes this a rule….

If it’s just for chit-chat BS…zip it. No harm done. Believe me, I’m better off with your mouth shut. We both are.

And before I go, I’d like to share how rad I think Kanye West is. It doesn’t matter if I agree or disagree with him, he’s passionate, gives a great live performance, and in my eyes that’s what matters. He’s got heart, and ain’t nothing wrong with that.

1 comment:

theclamwhisperer said...

I agree with you on all counts. I spent a lifetime...well, no, about seven years in Norway (which seemed a lifetime) and they always used to make fun of me --"All American's know how to do is say 'let's have lunch' or spout off things they don't mean. I fought them but when I returned to the U.S., I found often times they were right. I would rather hear the truth...and let's be honest, sometimes raising kids is a bitch. You feel like you will never do anything you personally want to do ever again...everything being sacrificed to a tit...a trail of diapers...or a tantrum. But suddenly it changes (or at least my mom says.) And then I read something tonight that made me think. An author Ann Beattie wrote a short fiction in the New Yorker, called Coping Stones. One passage said, "Life is like having a garden, because inevitably the time comes when the deer eat everything, or you don't mulch and the soil gets exhausted. Right away, the weeds are in there. So I suppose what I'm getting at is that, well, tending your garden seems to me now like a young man's game. When you don't have the inclination or the energy or the...optimism to tend it anymore, the weeds rush in. The moment you stop loving something, the moment you're inattentive, the wrong things and the wrong people take over."