Thursday, May 12, 2005


Payday's are always fun. I went out today and got DMB's new album! Yes, that made me very happy. I even got Crossfade's new album; it was on sale for $9.95...and for that matter so was Dave Matthews new one. Talk about luck :) I can't say I always have bad luck. I also got some new sandals, and I have a hair appointment tomorrow. I've figured out the only way to get myself out of this funk I've been in, is to treat myself with the same priority as I do others, more actually. That way, if something happens with your world, and one day it all comes crumbling down, at least you can say you didn't forget yourself. You know like on some of those shows where the wife lets herself go because she is so busy taking care of her family and her man. Fuck that.

My husband has been gone since Monday; in Louisiana on a business trip thing. Normally I would bust my ass to make sure everything was perfect for when he came home, that way he didn't have to worry about anything concerning the house, he could just focus on his family. Truth is...that was all a goddamn mirage anyway. It didn't give him more time with me or the kids, it gave him more time for the shit he likes to do (video games, history channel). So this time I decided he can come home to a bunch of laundry and a lawn that needs to be mowed. He can pitch in, it won't hurt him.

In the end there is just YOU. So take care of YOU. When someone breaks your heart, or betrays you, and leaves you out in the cold, would you rather be standing on the outside seeing nothing but the sacrifices you've made, that just went up in smoke..ALL FOR NOTHING...OR would you like to be standing out there with at least the satisfaction that YOU took care of yourself? Don't get me wrong; you still gave your all to the relationship, but you gave yourself the same 100% effort, and didn't sacrifice your own needs for someone else. Because the minute you start doing that, your setting yourself up for failure.

How do I know all this? Personal experience of course. life has been a little shaky the past week or so. My bestfriend of over 14 years, who just happens to be my husband, came back from Iraq last week, totally changed. I'm wondering if I ever really knew him, or maybe he didn't even know himself? I dunno. It just puts things in perspective for me. Never put anyone up too high, because we are all capable of falling, even those people you put on a pedestal and think "they would never..."

Ohhh but how they will, and they will fall with such great velocity they will leave a hole in your heart the size of Texas..Because all along you thought "they would never...."

Trust me...It's totally possible.

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