Friday, March 30, 2007

I Rock!

This week was intense...that's all I have to say. We had "Therapeutic Crisis Training" all week, otherwise known as "TCI" training. It all built up to a 3 series test today, that had me on pins and needles all week....I was so afraid I'd mess something up and fail. I'd try to remind myself to be confident and stop worrying so much, but it just wasn't happening.

Part of the test was 3 different restraints we had to do without committing any "safety violations" -- we practiced them for 3 days and I was still messing up stupid things. Something as simple as grabbing to low on the wrist is an automatic I'm sure my nerves didn't help anything. Anyway, my body hurts from all the lunges I had to do while practicing. I'm talking 8 hours of lunges people!! That's some crazy shit.

To keep the story short though, I passed all the tests with no problems, and I even got 100 on the written test! When it was all done and over with I felt so DAMN a thousand bricks had been lifted off my shoulders, and that's no exaggeration!

Anyway, so that was my week. Stressful to say the least. When I got home at night all I wanted to do was sleep and maybe study a little bit. It sucked. B-I-G- T-I-M-E.

I also realized that when it comes to talking about what I went through as a child, as much as I think I'm ok with it...I'm really not. We had an exercise where I thought that it would be no biggie mentioning my past with adoption and foster care, but the minute I started getting into the details, my voice would quiver and I'd start getting all these nervous ticks. It's like, even though my mind was trying to say I was alright with sharing, something deeper within wasn't having it. At least not as cool and collected as I wanted it to come across. Not being able to control it, kinda (really) pissed me off. From now on though I'm staying away from the subject. I had this big idea that me coming from a similar background would some how help me relate to the kids in the home...but over the past week I've realized that mentioning something like that would put the focus on me, when it should truly be on the child, and if I'm going on about my experiences in the system, that's not really helping them as much as me just listening to their personal experiences. Did that make any sense?? Bare with's Friday ;)

And I'm off tommorow! Oh yeah!! I'm going to be living it up, no doubt about it. I won't have another day off until next Sunday...and that's a maybe. So I'm going to cherish it!


TC said...

You DO rock!! Awesome job. I like the pic and the blog, but what are you REALLY feeling? Where's the other 90%? :)

poody said...

It's always diffucult starting a new job and you are right your experiences will help yu deal with these kids. You know what it is like to not be special to someone and that is a dreadful feeling.

poody said...

I don't think that last bit came out right what I meant to say is you have expereinced the feeling of being lost in the system with no one to be there for you and this will be helpful to the kids.