Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Writing back into sanity

Dramatic ups and downs are rampant lately, which annoys me highly. Leading the race are irrational thoughts, the kind that are self created and marked by having too much time on my hands. From there we journey back to my annoyance of it all and attempting to figure out if I'm just delusional, or perhaps there's a grain of sanity in my thoughts and perceptions of things.

Is it me?

Yeah Glenda, I think it is.

But is it ALL me?

That's yet to be determined.

I will just keep reminding myself, that no matter what happens in life, regardless of circumstances and who or what I feel might be contributing to my moods, that ultimately I am the one in control. It's a personal choice to let things get to you, and not a very wise one in my opinion. I believe your much better off just letting it all slide off your shoulder, I just need to work on my technique and speed up the process by skipping a few steps. The steps in between are whats killing me.

I woke up with the realization today that half my problem is my age. Life chips away at you, teaches you things, dampers expectations, heightens others...and although I am 29, I still have a lot to figure out.

It's the innocence and ideals of what people and life are "supposed" to be like that are fading as reality continues to knock at my door.

Some people call it the "real world" - which has to be the worst way of summarizing such a huge ideal. It's why when your parent's tell you "Just wait until you get out in the real word", your like...SEE ya suckers...not having a clue what's really meant by that statement.

That "real world" is there to try and break you down, then build you up again piece by piece...stronger and wiser than ever.

Of course not all people get put back together, but I can tell I'm not one of those. 10 years ago I was so blind , I can't even tell you who I was back then. I wasn't anything really..just this girl wondering around aimlessly. Now days I see purpose in things, and I'm even starting to get a glimpse of my own purpose.

In just 10 years...all that. So think of me in another 10, or 20 - and watch out!

Wow..isn't it great how I just talked myself out of a slump? I tell ya, blogs are the cheapest therapy you can get, whether you just read them, or your the one writing them.

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