Saturday, December 03, 2005

Road trip

Tomorrow I start my 15 hour road trip to go see my husband graduate Warrant Officers Canidate School on the 7th. I'm going into Kansas City tomorrow night, and then leaving Monday afternoon for Fort Rucker, AL.

Words cannot express my feelings on leaving my toddler (Audrey). As much as one would think I would want, and probably do need a break from her; it's going to be difficult. She doesn't even let me go out of the room usually without following me.

And I think it's easy for a third party to look in and just think she's a typical clingy kid, and I'm the over protective mom..which I actually won't deny, BUT in her case, some of the circumstances warrant it.

Everyone in her life, except for me (and my older daughter), passes through at will..never coming back at any determined time. Her dad appears randomly at best,and it's usually guaranteed to leave once they really get to know each other again. One day he's her focus...the next..nothing. He's the phone, he's a picture..etc etc.

So she has that relationship, and then on top of that she has great grandparents that she loves to spend time with, and we are fortunate to live close by, but as always, all good things must come to an end. We have to go back to our house, our lives. The sad thing is that you can't really explain these things to a toddler and have them really understand.

Her typical dialog:

(she'll ask questions, and then answer them)

Where's Papa? He's at work... Where's daddy? At work... Nana? Work...

Daddy? Daddy! Get back here NOW Daddy! (Just like Marlin tells Nemo as he's swimming out to sea, it's verbatim) -- that phrase is really common, she just recycles the names of whoever she's thinking about at the moment.

The girl doesn't know what work is..but you should hear the tone she says it in. She says it in a low, disappointed/sad way. And for her, anything in a low tone and not hurting your ears is rare, haha.

So when I go towards the door, if even to just start the car and warm it up, and come right back..she loses it. She doesn't get mad, and it isn't a tantrum, but is pure tears and panic. Audrey will throw a tantrum faster than I can type it, but she's not really one of those babies to cry much.

Big fat tears rolling down her cheeks, usually means she's upset for good reason.

I mean..look at her...she's too cute to cry, hehe.

Anyway..I hope she's distracted enough to not notice my absence too much. I'll be sneaking out at nap time, and of course worrying about it the whole drive down & back. Basically just wondering what's going through that little head of hers.

I will try to enjoy myself though..and I do mean that. It's not often I get away, if ever, so as much as possible I'll be taking advantage of some "me" that!

See ya on Thursday! Wish me luck :)


Anonymous said...

it's okay. we will distract her. i think this trip will be good for you. no kids aaaand you get to see Andy! its a pretty sweet deal.

see you tomorrow!

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Brandy For Sale. said...

Congrats to your husband- that's great. As a military family baby, I have total respect for him- OCS is no picnic but the rewads are going to be great. He must be a smart cookie.

Hope your time away from Audrey wasn't too tough- and that it was even better getting back to spend the holidays with her.

Best to you in 2006, lady!