My fingers are crossed!

Usually I don't have much time on the computer for blogging or emailing after Thursday. When everyone else is gearing up for the weekend, I'm gearing up for a long weekend at work. Fri-Mon my hours are usually so crazy the only thing I want to do when I'm home is sleep!

Last Friday when I went to work I found out that there was a full time position open, Midnight till 8am M-F. I put in for it, and hopefully tomorrow I'll see if I got it. It would be perfect because I'd still put Audrey in part-time care during the day so I could get some sleep, and then I'd always be home for when Taylor got out of school, and to make dinner and all that stuff. Not too mention I'd get weekends off! That would be sweet! Anyway, I'll let you know when I know.

Tomorrow my job has a company picnic thing. All the residents families are invited, as well as staff and our families. They're going to give tours of one of the cottages and have all sorts of games and face painting for the kids. It should be fun, and the girls will get a kick out of getting to see where I work.

There's nothing else going on really. I just re-covered from work yesterday, and today I was out all day registering Audrey for pre-school, getting my hair done, and doing a little shopping...fun fun.

Spring snow

Wow! A new post! Unbelievable huh?

It actually seems like it's been longer than it really has since my last post. So much seems to happen in one day, that by the end of it, it seems more like a week has passed than just a measly 24hrs.

On Easter I worked a double (8am-midnight) so me and the easter bunny didn't get to hang as usual. I ate a decent dinner in our non-secure facility though. hmmph.

Anyway, without getting into a lot of details, the point here is that I work A LOT. Random shifts too....as unpredictable as the weather.


Speaking of weather!! ( nice transition eh?) We've been getting snow for the past 2 weeks. And no, I'm not kidding. We are lucky to get in the mid thirties and for it to be cloudy w/0 sleet or snow. Apparently New York isn't ready for spring yet? I'll be the first to let you know when it is though, so stay tuned!!

Back to work...

Did I say I work a lot already? Random shifts? Weird hours? Yeah?

Like today for example: I worked 7am-3pm and then I have to go back and work midnight till 8am Sunday morning.

Gotta love shifts like that. (but most likely not)

And then today for the first time I was left in charge of a handful of boys that treated me like a substitute teacher...you remember those days, yeah? They were trying to pull so much shit it wasn't even remotely funny. I hung in there for a little while, and then eventually something clicked in my head and I said to myself "Is this how you wanna play? GAME ON " - and for the most part things got better....they still tried to get away with things occasionally, but nothing near what it was before I put my foot down.

It's kinda funny though, because a lot of the kids approach me and ask if "I'm this quiet all the time" and all I ever tell them is that I don't really have anything to say. And it's true. I listen. I learn. If I need to talk I do...and if I don't...I don't. When they tested me today though, and I reacted the way I did, and didn't put up with it, I think they were all a little surprised. A lot of people think that when your quiet, your shy. I beg to differ though, as that's not always the case. I learn a lot from just listening and observing people. More so than if I were to be running my mouth constantly.


Everyday at my job I learn something new about myself...or if it's not new, it's further confirmed. Like last weekend when I spent all my time in the girls cottage, I realized that I'm just not one of those peppy ass females that talks constantly and is excited about anything and everything. I'm just not that easily amused. There was other female staff on shift that blended right in, so it's not an age thing...it's just a certain type of girl/woman. I guess I'm the serious type, not in any stuck-up way, but just more reserved than the average chick. But that's ok. It's not the MOST common thing, but it's not uncommon either..theres plenty of other girls out there like me. We're just a little more rare. Which makes us special BTW ;)


Anyway so that's THAT. And nothing more.


I have this creeping feeling that I've turned this blog into one hell of a boring read...so sorry for that.


PS- Now that I think about it, I should have written about why you NEVER go to the E.R. on Friday the 13th ....cause not only does it take forever to get seen, strange things happen...or gross things...you choose. I pick gross. I know..I was there. Anyway, I should have written about it, cause it would have made for a much more interesting post! Maybe next time. ;)

I Rock!

This week was intense...that's all I have to say. We had "Therapeutic Crisis Training" all week, otherwise known as "TCI" training. It all built up to a 3 series test today, that had me on pins and needles all week....I was so afraid I'd mess something up and fail. I'd try to remind myself to be confident and stop worrying so much, but it just wasn't happening.

Part of the test was 3 different restraints we had to do without committing any "safety violations" -- we practiced them for 3 days and I was still messing up stupid things. Something as simple as grabbing to low on the wrist is an automatic fail...so I'm sure my nerves didn't help anything. Anyway, my body hurts from all the lunges I had to do while practicing. I'm talking 8 hours of lunges people!! That's some crazy shit.


To keep the story short though, I passed all the tests with no problems, and I even got 100 on the written test! When it was all done and over with I felt so DAMN GOOD..like a thousand bricks had been lifted off my shoulders, and that's no exaggeration!

Anyway, so that was my week. Stressful to say the least. When I got home at night all I wanted to do was sleep and maybe study a little bit. It sucked. B-I-G- T-I-M-E.

I also realized that when it comes to talking about what I went through as a child, as much as I think I'm ok with it...I'm really not. We had an exercise where I thought that it would be no biggie mentioning my past with adoption and foster care, but the minute I started getting into the details, my voice would quiver and I'd start getting all these nervous ticks. It's like, even though my mind was trying to say I was alright with sharing, something deeper within wasn't having it. At least not as cool and collected as I wanted it to come across. Not being able to control it, kinda (really) pissed me off. From now on though I'm staying away from the subject. I had this big idea that me coming from a similar background would some how help me relate to the kids in the home...but over the past week I've realized that mentioning something like that would put the focus on me, when it should truly be on the child, and if I'm going on about my experiences in the system, that's not really helping them as much as me just listening to their personal experiences. Did that make any sense?? Bare with me...it's Friday ;)

And I'm off tommorow! Oh yeah!! I'm going to be living it up, no doubt about it. I won't have another day off until next Sunday...and that's a maybe. So I'm going to cherish it!

Adjusting?

Right now my new job "training" is kicking my ass. Not that it's overly hard or stressful, I'm just not used to trying to balance work and family time. I've been working a TON of hours, which isn't helping either. The other day I had a shift in the cottage until 10 at night and then had to get right back at it the next morning at 6 am. I know it's not THAT horrible or anything, I'm just not used to it yet, so it's been challenging to touch base with my own children, let alone other people. There are days where I only see Taylor for 30 minutes at best.

Anyway, I'll get off my soap box. I had more to say, but I'm wiped out for the night. I just hope my family out there understands and bears with me for a little while -- as soon as I don't feel so overwhelmed I'm going to get back in the swing of things. (I promise!!) I will be glad when this 3 weeks of training is up and maybe I can have some say in the hours I work...that is FOR SURE.

Anyway..much love to you all, and I'm thinking of you. (Mary & Tim included!) :)

Alarm clocks are EVIL

Andrew ended up extending his leave until the end of this week, so we could have another week to sort out child care, and yesterday I started "training" - I had to get up around 6am so I could leave by 7:30...my brain just isn't used to getting up that early anymore! I mean, I had to set an alarm clock for gods sake! The travesty!

Today is actually what they call "cottage time" which is pretty much what I'll be doing every day once training is over, it will be my first visit where I'm not observing but actually integrating myself. I'm a tad nervous, but I should be alright.

The thing is, it's 4:20am right now..and I had to get up around 3:50am....EEEKKKK. My shift is from 5:30am- 1:30pm. Needless to say, coffee will be my savior today! I like my Red Machine, but I don't think it's going to do the trick this morning.

Anyway..off I go. Zombie mode back in effect.....